After witnessing a fight over the last couple bags of toilet paper being wiped clean off the pallets at a local Costco this week. I thought it was crazy! But, then I started to see more fights on FB over toilet paper! What is going on? Is the world is going crazy? Are we heading for a shit storm? If we are, keep reading we might be able to help.

Now I’m not exactly sure why people are hoarding years and years worth of TP, because – news flash- it’s not going to make you a safe mask, and yes, we know, there are tons of how to’s on YouTube and no, your wife’s g-string is not going to work either.

Now I’m going to stress, that we believe in the importance of prepping for an emergency & believe we should all be prepared for any disaster that should come our way, whether earthquake, or flood etc… So being a “prepper” and having your bug-out-bags ready to go, is not crazy, it is smart. But this world wide toilet paper apocalypse phenomenon is kinda blowing my mind.

So, if you are a guy sitting on the toilet, with your last 3 pieces of toilet paper and you hear that Costco is out of toilet paper, what are you going to do? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO???

Well with Spring in the air, you might want to go lock your self in a cabin somewhere deep in the woods, avoiding all people like they are the plague (Ahem… Coronvirus) and while you are there you can use my top leaf recommendations for when you are in a pinch and NEED to use the GREEN to wipe yourself CLEAN.

WARNING: Not all leaves are created equal. There are some leaves that would be a BIG mistake to accidentally touch to your bottom, such as Hogweed (can cause permanent blindness!) Stinging Nettle (causes intense sting) Euphorbia (Latex allergy) Devils Club (Why would you chose that?) Poison Ivy, Poison Oak etc…. So know your fauna! My sister learned about Stinging Nettle and squatting for a pee a few years ago, ummm ouch. We like to mention this in our blogs from time to time, especially knowing that she doesn’t actually read them…..

Here are our top five leaves when nature calls:

1. Mullein – Verbascum densiflorum – aka Cowboy Toilet Paper – Move over Charmin, because your bears should really be using this instead, it’s probably the Cadillac of outdoor toilet paper. So soft and fuzzy, large leaves, make it a great toilet paper substitute.

2. Thimbleberry –Rubus parviflorus– Got dingleberries? Well, we’ve got the solution for you- try Thimbleberry with it’s giant soft leaves, it’s a fabulous option to wipe those dingleberries away. Because those are not the type of berry we are tying to grow at the Forest Guild. It is all over our woods in the Pacific Northwest.

Thimbleberry works great, we have a convenient patch of it next to our outhouse lol. So we know.

3. Lambs Ear –Stachys byzantina– this “weed” is probably the softest one of all! Perfect when you find yourself in a tight squeeze!

4. Big Leaf Maple –Acer macrophyllum – have you seen the size of these leaves? Great size for wiping and you can feel patriotic at the same time.

5. Moss –Bryophyta – You could also use moss but be wary of cling ons!

When in doubt there is always a sock, hey Costco, you better stock up…..

Becky

Becky is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Landscape & Production Horticulturist, Arborist and budding Herbalist, who recognizes and specializes in the link between healthy soil, the gut and the brain. She also loves being the mom to her two wild and crazy kids Brooke & Connor whom keep her and her ever loving, creative husband Jay on their toes.